Four Kinds of Love

One of my favorite books is The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis, an Irish Christian writer. Here he explained the four kinds of love based on four Greek words for love: storge, phileo, eros and agape. As we celebrate Valentine's day, let me share you these reflections about love.

Love seems to be the most abused word in the English language. We say ' I love you' to our friends, girlfriends/ boyfriends, members of our family and to our companions. But the question is: do we really mean what we are saying?

C.S. Lewis says that just as Lucifer, a former archangel who became proud and defied God and became Satan, so will love be whom we consider as the greatest emotion or the greatest virtue if we presume it to be when it is not. These are the kinds of love.

Storge (affection). This is the first Greek word for love. It is the kind of love that is very common. It is fondness due to familliarity. It is the common love that we have for our parents and members of our family. We love them because we grew up with them. It is also the love we have for our classmates or officemates. We love them because we are always with them and we share common activities. In Tagalog we call this as kapalagayang-loob. It is the love that is not formed by choice but by chance. It is also the love that does not pay attention to the factors that seems to be unworthy of love. For example, even if we do not like our brother's behavior but since you have been always together, it is very difficult to not to give him what he wants. C.S. Lewis calls it as a "ready made love" that sometimes we expect that it should be there even if we are unaware of our behavior. For example, we expect our family to love us even if we do wrong. We expect our parents to give us what we want simply because we are their children.

Phileo (friendship). It is the strong bond existing because of affection. It is the stronger version of storge. It begins with sharing common interest and activity. It is different from companionship. Companionship is just affection because you are always together but friendship remains even if you are away or even if you your friend has done you wrong. Loyalty is what differentiates phileo from simple companionship. And the sharing of joy is the characteristic in phileo that defines it as a virtue. People want friends because of the joy and that is more than the benefits that they get from them.

Eros (romance). It is the common love in mass media and in literature. It is the concept of 'falling in love'. It has two aspects: sexuality and emotional connection. Eros is a love essential for our sexuality, that is, how we relate as human persons.  It is what makes us appreciate the looks as well as the attitude of the one whom we fall in love with. The psychological aspect is the emotional connection. Eros in Greek mythology is also the name of the son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Eros shoots an arrow in the heart of a person in order for him to feel a necessity to connect himself to someone. He is called as Cupid in Latin and is very popular even in our modern literature. As in the mythology, it is the love that makes us connect ourselves to a person and makes us committed to him or her.

Agape (charity). It is the highest form of love in the sense that it is divine. It is the love that allows us to extend it even to the unlovable. It is brings forth care, faithfulness and trust regardless of circumstances. It is the love Jesus requires of his disciples. (c.f. John 13:34-35) It is the love that Jesus showed to us as a man 'who lays his life for his friends' (John 15:13). It is the Greek word St. Paul used in his discourse about love in his letter to the Corinthians as he explains what Christian love must be. (1 Corinthians 13) The first three loves going beyond what they normally used to be becomes agape, also known as unconditional love.

Happy Valentines day. May this day lead you more deeply to the love of your family, friends, God and everyone who needs and gives you love! And I pray that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith and may charity be the root and the foundation of your life. Thus you may be able to grasp with all the holy ones, the length, breadth and height of Christ's love and experience this love that surpasses all knowledge that you may attain the fullness of God himself. (Ephesians 3:17-19)